it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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