god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
