I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
