God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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