i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
