all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
