in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
