my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
