Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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