Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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