no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
