remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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