she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
