Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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