I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
