yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
