My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Boobs speak an international language.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
