I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
