I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
FUCK WHALES
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize