thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
