Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
