i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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