You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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