I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
