Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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