she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
