Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
