I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
