If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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