every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize