I could have mohawked her pubes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
