you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
