Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
