i barfeds in our rink
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
