Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
