he shaved USA in his pubs
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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