her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
