Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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