Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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