Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
