he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
