Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
