did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
