i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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