do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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