a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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