am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
