I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
