when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
