1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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