I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
