I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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