so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
