just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
