Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
