i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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