Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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