ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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