I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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