So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have feelings that need drinking.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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