There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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