I think im going to throw up on grandma
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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