If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
