So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
