I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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