Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
