i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
